some jokes

Nwimie

Nwimie

Member +
A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
 
Nwimie

Nwimie

Member +
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
 
Nwimie

Nwimie

Member +
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
 
C

CaL

Guest
Nwimie said:
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
Click to expand...

LMAOO ......
 
Glanza Pat

Glanza Pat

Member +
Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mom one. His dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and tells him to get out. A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's room, rushes in, and is horrified to find Johnny shagging his nan. Johhny just looks at him and says "See, it's not so f*cking funny when it's your mom is it?"
 
Glanza Pat

Glanza Pat

Member +
Little boy's dog dies and he finds it in the garden on his back with it's legs sticking up in the air. So he asks his dad 'why are it's legs sticking up like that?', and his dad says 'it's so God can pick him up and take him to heaven'. The next day the father comes home from work and finds his son very subdued. 'What's the matter son? he asks. 'Mommy nearly died today' says the boy'. 'What happened?!' says the worried father.
'Well, she was lying on the bed with her legs in the air shouting 'God I'm coming' and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she'd have been a goner'
 
C

CaL

Guest
Glanza Pat said:
Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mom one. His dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and tells him to get out. A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's room, rushes in, and is horrified to find Johnny shagging his nan. Johhny just looks at him and says "See, it's not so f*cking funny when it's your mom is it?"
Click to expand...

lool
 
A

Adam_Glanza

Member +
Glanza Pat said:
Little boy's dog dies and he finds it in the garden on his back with it's legs sticking up in the air. So he asks his dad 'why are it's legs sticking up like that?', and his dad says 'it's so God can pick him up and take him to heaven'. The next day the father comes home from work and finds his son very subdued. 'What's the matter son? he asks. 'Mommy nearly died today' says the boy'. 'What happened?!' says the worried father.
'Well, she was lying on the bed with her legs in the air shouting 'God I'm coming' and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she'd have been a goner'
Click to expand...

LOL
 
GTRob

GTRob

Member +
The Menta Asylum


> > During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the
> > criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
> > institutionalized.
> >
> >
> > "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
> teaspoon,
> > a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
> > bathtub."
> >
> >
> > "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
> bucket
> > because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
> >
> >
> > "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
> a
> > bed near the window?"
 
Rickyt

Rickyt

Member +
Q. Wats worse then letting Michael Jackson baby sit
your kids?

A. Letting the McCann's take them on holiday!!!
 
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