Blonde Jokes

Glanza-V

Banned
Enjoy!!!

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther
away...
Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida ?????"

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CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died.After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"He replies, "Just crap in the
carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

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SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, "I wish you
guys would get your act together.Just yesterday you take away my
license
and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

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RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How
can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."

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AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE - my personal favourite!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it."Impossible!" says the
doctor. "Show me."The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left
shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. Shepushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"Well, no" she
said, "I'm actually! a blonde.""I thought so," the doctor said. "Your
finger is broken."

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KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

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BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads."You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

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N A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!
 

Glanza-V

Banned
SICK LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would
tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and
made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was
pre-tending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was "CRAZY"
and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you
doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed
out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked
out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where
do you think you're going?" (You're gonna love this..... )

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark"
 
C

CaL

Guest
A few days ago I was having some work done at the local Ford Dealership. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know what it was but this piece had always been there.

He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there.

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