It's dark in here....

EP82

Member +
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her
9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom
closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in
the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...That
is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you
to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
 

EP82

Member +
Gotta Love This one! :


A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years......
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose." The woman got undressed! as she was told.

"Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me. " As she did, Dr Chang shook his head slowly.

"Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease.

Worse case I ever see.

Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied:.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."
 

EP82

Member +
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
 

starletgt.neal

The Brightest BULB
joke guys

seen this had to add this one guys ......

theres a small man sat at the bar when a thug walks in and smacks him in the head

the thug says thats karate from japan.....

soon after the thug smacks the man again in the head and says

thats kung-fu from shou-lin

this time the small man gets up and walks out the bar.....

later on the man comes back into the bar and hits the thug round the head knocking him clean out .......

then the small guys says to the bar man...WHEN THAT CUNT WAKES UP TELL HIM THAT WAS A FUKIN SPADE FROM B&Q
 

Rossi-GTturbo

Member +
Baby ballon

There was a little baby ballon and he woke up in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep
so he went into mummy and daddy ballons bedroom and tried squeezing in the middle of them but he could not fit.
so he went up to daddy ballon and grabs his knot and went
PSSSSSSHHH!!!
then he tried again but still couldnt fit
so he went to mummy ballon grabed her knot and went
PSSSSSSHHH!!!
then he tried again but baby ballon still couldnt fit
so he grabed his own knot and went
PSSSSSSHHH!!!
then he fitted in snug as a bug and went to sleep in the middle of mummy and dady ballon

in the morning baby ballon woke up hearing daddy ballon shouting

Daddy ballon says to baby ballon: "son what do you think you are doing coming into our bedroom at night you have let me down, your mother down and you have let yourself down.
 

dan

Member +
pmsl

mates just sent me this one:

3 women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night
All three will wear a leather bodice, stilettos and a mask over their
eyes

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend:
'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the
leather bodice,12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: 'you are the woman of my
life, I love you'...then we made love all night long

The mistress:
Ah! Me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was
wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... He did not say anything.....but
we had wild sex all night

The married one:
'the other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I
got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband comes back from work, opens the door and says:
'Hey up Batman, what's for dinner?'
 

HYBRID

Super Moderator <a href="http://www.toyotagtturbo.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

the others are good, but this one fucking killed me lol :rockon:
 

ryan-11

Member +
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
 
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