this may offend some people - so please dont take it to heart!
What do you say to a chav with a job?
"I'll have a Big Mac please"
--------------
The only reason Obesity exists is because bullying has been banned.
-----------
What's the difference between roadkill and a dead chav?
Roadkill has skid marks in front of it.
--------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
-----------------
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
------------------------
Can a guy get a girl pregnant without physical contact? It's a long shot!
-------------------
When Barack Obama was performing his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.
-------------------------
Trick or treat?
Treat: you can suck my knob.
Trick: turn around and I'll make it disappear.
----------------------------
Dear Jonathan Ross,
I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?
Lots of love,
Gary Glitter x
---------------------------
Two eggs boiling in the pan
One turns to the other and says: "Look, i've got a crack!"
The other says: "No point telling me, i'm not even hard yet!!!"
-------------------------
I had a great first date at the weekend, we hit it off straight away. And we've been swapping emails this week.
Not sure why she's now avoiding a second date though. If she doesn't get in touch soon I'm going to ask her to send back the picture of my cock
----------------------
Had a ploughman's lunch yesterday.
He was fucking furious.
---------------------
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
----------------------
I meet this wonderful girl today, we had so much in common, we both liked; Football, beer, pub food and she even laughed at my offensive jokes.
So I took her back to my place and she sat me down and stripped totally naked.
And it was at this point I saw we had something else in common.
---------------------
The average bloke thinks about sex once in every six tits
------------------
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, sexy and flirty, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
------------------
Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was a big joke.
What do you say to a chav with a job?
"I'll have a Big Mac please"
--------------
The only reason Obesity exists is because bullying has been banned.
-----------
What's the difference between roadkill and a dead chav?
Roadkill has skid marks in front of it.
--------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
-----------------
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
------------------------
Can a guy get a girl pregnant without physical contact? It's a long shot!
-------------------
When Barack Obama was performing his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.
-------------------------
Trick or treat?
Treat: you can suck my knob.
Trick: turn around and I'll make it disappear.
----------------------------
Dear Jonathan Ross,
I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?
Lots of love,
Gary Glitter x
---------------------------
Two eggs boiling in the pan
One turns to the other and says: "Look, i've got a crack!"
The other says: "No point telling me, i'm not even hard yet!!!"
-------------------------
I had a great first date at the weekend, we hit it off straight away. And we've been swapping emails this week.
Not sure why she's now avoiding a second date though. If she doesn't get in touch soon I'm going to ask her to send back the picture of my cock
----------------------
Had a ploughman's lunch yesterday.
He was fucking furious.
---------------------
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
----------------------
I meet this wonderful girl today, we had so much in common, we both liked; Football, beer, pub food and she even laughed at my offensive jokes.
So I took her back to my place and she sat me down and stripped totally naked.
And it was at this point I saw we had something else in common.
---------------------
The average bloke thinks about sex once in every six tits
------------------
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, sexy and flirty, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
------------------
Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was a big joke.
keep them coming guys..
