blonde looking for some extra cash

Big_Daddy

Big_Daddy

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blonde looking for some extra cash, decides to hook on to "bob-a-job week"

knocks on this house door and the husband answers.

she says "have you got any DIY jobs need doing?????"

he says..........."yeah, my porch needs painting, how about £50??"

the blonde agrees, so the husband tells her the paint and brushes can be found in the garage

having gone inside, the husband tells his wife that a nice blonde has agreed to paint the porch for £50

the wife replies........."£50????? does she know that the porch and veranda goes the whole way round the house????"

the husband replied "don't care, £50...a deal is a deal"

about 20 mins later, there another knock at the door........................

it's the blonde again......... she says, " i finished painting your porch, and there was enough paint left over to give it a second coat"

the guy was overwhelmed and handed over the £50 thinking it a good job done for a well cheap price

having taken the £50...........the blonde said..............




















BTW, it's not a porch.........................................it's a lexus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Big_Daddy

Big_Daddy

Member +
3 Virgin Daughters

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said:

"Good till the last drop".

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:

"Extra Long. King Size".

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Adirways". Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said:

"Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted…
 
Big_Daddy

Big_Daddy

Member +
Fits like a Glove - Classic

> A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for
> his new girlfriend.
>
> They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .
>
> Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration,
> that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too
> romantic and not too personal.
>
> Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur
> lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for
> herself at the same time.
>
> Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items,
> the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.
>
> Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the
> following letter.
>
>
> Dear Maggie,
>
> I chose these because I've noticed that you were not wearing any when we went
> out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the
> long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to
> remove).
>
> These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
> the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed
> any marks or stains.
>
> I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though
> they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her
> ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since
> she began wearing them.
>
> I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many
> other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
>
> When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they
> will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
>
> Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
>
> I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
>
> All my love,
>
> Chris
>
> P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a
> little bit of fur showing.
 
Big_Daddy

Big_Daddy

Member +
Blonde doing the painting

Blonde is painting the house, husband walk in and cant believe she's doing so well.
Rahter puzzled he asks her why she is wearing a leather jacket and a Parka?

Her reply "Heellooooo, read the f**king tin, it says for best results put on two coats"












I'll get mine too
 
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