***need relationship advice***

[sx_turbo]

well i have been going out with my GF for a year now, and at first every thing was fine and we had so much fun together, we all over each other, but she would never say yes to sex, i asked her why and she said that her ex used to force her to and felt uncomfortable with it and just needed time. well me being the gentlman said it was not a problem and i shall wait till the time is right, plenty of opportunitys have gone by since and there was still no change. one night we did attempt to make love, but she complained of a bad back so we stopped. Time went by and and she would always instigate love making but never go through with it, which made me really frustrated.

any way about june time things started going bad between us, we saw each other less than she was at uni, and was always out with her freinds and never seem to give a hoot about me, but i just passed it off as me being jealous and kept quite.

we then went on holiday to wales looking after her aunts house while she was away and she seemed very distant, i was hoping for a week of passion but she would spurn all my advances, she was always very argumentative, and really ratty.

i then left it a couple of weeks and nothing changed, so i told her that i dont think things are working out, i was really cut up about this and was miserable for 2 weeks.

then after 2 weeks she got back in touch with me and said that she really missed me and that she loves me, and how i was the best thing that ever happened to her and she realises how bad she treated me.

we talked and decided to try again, and that we would both try and make things work and she was gonna try harder in the bedroom department.

well 6 weeks later and still no change, i had a free house for 2 weeks as my parents went away, and i just got bombarded with loads of excuses.

we get on really well, and i know sex isn't the only thing to be with someone, i'm only 22 and i'm really frustrated, and it really gets to me when i hear everyone else goin on about there sex life.

i have strayed and slept with someone else and it was mind blowing, but this girl is in the same situation as i'm in and neither of us wants to split up with our partners.

my GF has now gone back to uni, and i want to stray again, but know its wrong.

i really dont know what to do.

If you got this far thanks for reading it was a bit of an essay.

ijust needed to get it off my chest.

 

[riko666]

being Celibate I can't really give advice you'd want to hear, but all I can say is don't pressure her, let her know that you're someone she can trust that won't ever want to force into sex...and don't find "outlets". You'll learn to control the urge, making her feel more comfortable, so that when it eventually does happen I presume it'd be an "unique" experience...cause if it's overused, it just gets boring. Not that I'd know but I presume.

It too frustrates me when people keep rabbitting on about their sex life, but only because...they seem to think it's the only think that counts in the world...ever...am I really that oblivious to it all? I haven't really found anyone that thinks it my way, perhaps I just think like an old man

Anyway, I'm very grossed out by all the sex talk, so shall leave it to someone else...perves

 

[sx_turbo]

cheers riko i know its not all about sex but its sooo frustrating, when you should be able to, but cant.

when i wasnt in a relationship it never bothered me, and people could talk about it all night long.

 

[Red Hot]

Get your story straight and live the dream.
What more do you want then a turbo starlet and 2 girls in your life

 

[Nwimie]

a year with almost no sex would drive me mad i would tell her straight that your sexually fustrated and that if she doesnt try harder in the bedroom then your going to look else where!

but then again i am straight to the point and always will be.

depends if you think you can make it work really mate!

you sure she has had sex before ?

 

[Elaine]

O hun this is not good…

I do feel for you though, I was with my ex for 3 years and I no sex is not everything but at our age its quiet a big part of how you express your self with your partner.

I think if you gf’s ex was mean to her then she should talk to someone about it as it must be very hard for her to let her self be with someone after experiencing something like that..

I don’t mean to be blunt but if you have had sex with someone else you have answered your own question about what to do.. I new I liked someone else towards the end of my relationship but I had way to much respect for my ex to ever cheat on him. Just the fact that I was thinking about someone else was enough for me to know that it was not working..

I think your only young and as I found out life is for living and if you cant live it with someone then you should do it one your own and just have fun on the way..

Hope this helps
E xx

 

[sx_turbo]

cheers guys, i have spoken to her about it, and she says she really wants to, but went it comes down to it, she freezes and just says no.

she wont go and get help as she says she tried and it didnt help.

i slept with the other girl, cos there was drink flowing that night and we were both talking about our relationships and a bit tipsy, and as normal one thing leads to another, we decided not to take it any further, than that one night.

Just how long do you give someone who is emotionally damaged?

i feel really bad if i just break up with her over sex, and i will miss her greatly, and when she said to me the other night that when she does do it she dont want to do it with anyone else but me, and that made me feel really bad.

oh well, i just wait till she next comes back and have a talk with her about things, i think that would be best.

 

[riko666]

Just how long do you give someone who is emotionally damaged?

If you really love her, as long as it takes. If not, don't prolong the pain that could ensue

 

[benGT]

I agree with what Elaine has said mate....the worst thing in the world is to be cheated on (it's not nice) so I think you know what to do.
Also, I remember watching a relationship programme where a girl would not have sex with her partner because she was pressured into it by her ex. The expert ending up giving her a right grilling and telling her to man up and that she shouldnt be blaming her new BF for her ex's mistakes.
and another point....in my experiance, when she distances herself from you (i.e. when coming back from uni) it may mean that she is hiding something/quilty.....that what happened to me and it alerted me to the fact that all was not well...

Hope you sort it dude because life really is too short to have to get hung up about love life!

 

[Elaine]

If you really love her, as long as it takes. If not, don't prolong the pain that could ensue

agreed, if she is really what you want you will wait for as long as it takes.. but I dont think you can. You cheated once as it was easy so you dont know you would not do it again...

 

[Nwimie]

.

 

[Kelly]

hey SX,

tbh youve been together over a year imo you have been more than patient, and making up excuses all the time for over a year is too much. If she's that bad she should get herself some consuelling.

Most ppl dont admit it but sex is a big part of a relationship! Altho i dont agree with the straying part, i think it shows that your at the end of that relationship with your gf, you stuck by her for a year, and there's stil no improvement, your not a doctor or a psychologist so there isnt much more you can do.

I think it would be a different story if you had only been together a little while but a year is a long time , i'd say talk to her tell her why you wanna end it and do it.

 

[sx_turbo]

just to clarify i have NOT pressurised my GF at all, we have only talked about it a couple of times.

as soon as she says no i back off straight away and just give her a reassuring hug and kiss.

i try and be as supportive as much as i can, thanks kelly, you seem to really understand where i'm coming from.

 

[Wild]

Damn, so you've been with this girl a year and havn't smashed her gash?

You're a better man than me for putting up with that. Some people can have relationships where sex doesn't enter into the equation, but I personally couldn't and my sex drive isn't even that high!

She obviously has some serious issues and you seem to be bearing the brunt of them, not cool at all.

 

[Kelly]

just to clarify i have NOT pressurised my GF at all, we have only talked about it a couple of times.

as soon as she says no i back off straight away and just give her a reassuring hug and kiss.

i try and be as supportive as much as i can, thanks kelly, you seem to really understand where i'm coming from.

no worries chuck
if ya need a chat ya know where i am! hope u sort it out

 

[sx_turbo]

Damn, so you've been with this girl a year and havn't smashed her gash?

excellent way of putting it, and no i havnt, we attempted to once but she had to stop cos her back apparently.

another thing to add is that because of all this im frightened of how and where to touch her.

also i'm worried that if i speak to her about it she will just sleep with me cos she feels she has to, not because she wants to.

man why is life so dam difficult.

 

[Greg0r]

fair play for asking this on here,

as you say sex isnt everything, but agreeing with kelly it is a main part of a relationship and allows you to make that extra connection...

1 year is far to long, respect for waiting and being patient, but the fact you stray makes me think you need to break away and start fresh

 

[Wild]

What he said! ^^

Damn, sometimes I wish I had the balls to stray!

 

[sara]

i agree with kelly 2 about the straying thing,

but, as a suggestion if you really feel you cant leave her as you love her and all the respect for staying with her, why not try asking her wats she wants from sex n ask her wat she wants 2 do and let her do it 2 you? just and idea :S

 

[sx_turbo]

cheers again for the comments guys and girls,

and big respect for being, understanding and grown up with your answers, it really is a close community on here.